In Honor of Mother's Day

I didn't have a chance to post this over the weekend, but better late than never.


When God Created Mothers
by Erma Bombeck

When the good Lord was creating mothers, he was into his sixth day of overtime, when an angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."

And the Lord said, "Have you read the spec on this one? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic; have 180 moveable parts, all replaceable; run on black coffee and leftovers; have a lap that disappears when she stands up, a kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair, and six pair of hands.

"The angel shook her head slowly and said,"Six pairs of hands...no way."

"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord."It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."

"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. "One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, "What are you kids doing in there?" when she already knows. Another here, in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't, but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say, "I understand and I love you," without so much as uttering a word."

"Lord,"said the angel, touching his sleeve gently, "Rest for now. Tomorrow..."

"I can't," said the Lord. "I'm so close to creating something close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick, can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower."

The angel circled the model of the mother very slowly. "She's too soft," she sighed.

"But tough!" said the Lord excitedly. "You cannot imagine what the mother can do or endure."

"Can she think?"

"Not only think, but she can reason and compromise," said the Creator. Finally the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. "There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told you, you were trying to put too much into this model."

"It's not a leak," said the Lord. "It's a tear."

"What's it for?"

"It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness and pride."

"You're a genius," said the angel.

The Lord looked somber, "I didn't put it there."

Mark D writing again:
My own mother died in 1990, May 24 to be exact. She was tough as an old boot and mules used to say among themselves "That woman is STUBBORN". She could produce more good food with less money than anyone I'd ever met. For instance after my Dad was disabled at work in the mid '70's their entire income was from Worker's Comp until the Disability Social Security kicked in (which given the inefficiencies of the Federal Government took a long time). The Worker's Comp check was $183.80 every two weeks, rent was $214 a month and she fed two adults and an 11 year old boy (the definition of skin stretched around an appetite), never borrowed money, never paid rent or utilities late, and we never went hungry. She'd walk to the electric company to pay the bill to save the money on the stamp and money order (never had a checking account). I remember those days, lots of pasta, lots of chicken. She was a high-school drop out, her mother took her out of school to help care for her eight siblings, but I've often referred to her as an uneducated genius, no one maintains a household like that without a good supply of brains. She loved animals, the last four pets she had were strays she picked up or animals that were too old to get by with other, younger animals that people had.

I'd be remiss now if I didn't mention my mother-in-law, who welcomed me into her family with open arms as she did the wives of my wife's three brothers. "Like a mother to me" is about the biggest compliment I can give any woman, and she is. It took me a couple months to start calling her "Mom" after my wife and I got married, but one day it just popped out and seemed right and that's what I've called her ever since.