Answering Machine Message

Hello, you've reached the home of Mark and Mark's Wife. We can't come to the phone right now. We are the only two humans who live here. If you don't want to speak to either of us hang up now, you won't get in touch with anyone else here. We speak English here. Neither of us is fluent in any other language, so if you don't speak English hang up, we won't understand you and you won't understand us. We're perfectly happy with our insurance, phone service, Internet access, exterminator, financial advisor and mortgage. Even if we weren't we wouldn't do business with you on the basis of a cold call, so don't waste your time or ours by leaving a message. Our siding, gutters and roof are in good condition, our chimney is clean, our furnace is in good repair, and our basement is waterproofed already. We're not interested in selling our home, buying a new home, buying a vacation home or buying a timeshare. We already give generously to a variety of charities, we don't decide which on the basis of messages left on our answering machine. We really don't believe you're calling to give us a free trip, a free camera, a free computer, or a free anything else. We're not fish, we know bait when we see it. We don't believe we've already won a million dollars. If you are a machine with a recorded message try to ignore the irony of two machines talking to each other and leave your message, we'll have our toaster get back to you. Please note that by leaving a message we offer no warranty, express or implied, that we will get the message or that we will return your call. If you still want to leave a message please do so after the beep. Or don't, it's entirely up to you. Beeeeeep